Last week, all week long, we published 10 reasons why each of the NFC East teams will be a dumpster fire in 2022, pointing out the biggest flaws of each team heading into the season. If you missed it, you can catch up here:
🔥 DUMPSTER FOUR SERIES 🔥
Cowboys | Fighting | Commanders | 49ers (Bonus) | Eagles
As it does every year, this series drew a lot of e-mail, and as usual, Giants fans were the whiniest of the bunch. Interestingly, a year ago after an extremely embarrassing season in 2021, they stopped defending their team (relatively speaking) and I actually got some positive feedback from those guys/gals. But after returning to the playoffs and actually winning a playoff game, Giants fans’ finger beer muscles are back.
In any case, the following is a compilation of the emails/DMs that I received, with spelling left unedited, but some of the bad words taking center stage.
Fan Affiliation: Giants
Subject line: Giant dumpster fire
Email Body: I read your article about the Giants being a dumpster fire this year. You are certainly entitled to your opinion, as am I. I have never met an Eagle fan in my 45 years of following the Giants who has had a single brain cell. You are all f****** IDEAS and it was better to see you lose every year you made the playoffs than to see my Giants win 3 Superbowls. The fans are disgusting and your article caters to them.
Good luck this year A hole.
#JimmyNote: This guy emailed me from his work account with a full set of contact info. He’s the managing partner of a law firm in Manhattan, lol.
I responded by asking who he billed that hour to, which he thought was funny, and now we’re friends. He suggested that if the Giants win a Super Bowl with Daniel Jones, I should post a picture of myself in a Giants jersey on my website, and if the Eagles win a Super Bowl with Jalen Hurts, he should post a picture of himself in an Eagles jersey on his.
Because I’m a BIG J journalist and don’t have a dog in the fight, I don’t benefit in any way from him posting a picture of himself in an Eagles jersey. I suggested instead that if the Giants win it all with Jones as the starting quarterback, I will donate $500 to a charity of my choice, and he must donate $500 to a charity if the Eagles win with Hurts. That way, some underprivileged people might benefit from a stupid email match. He accepted this counteroffer.
Fan Affiliation: Giants (Brian)
Subject line: You are a dumpster fire as a writer. Probably a Philadelphia idiot sewer rat who voted for John Fetterman. So much potential, no doubt. It’s a dumpster fire, by the way.
Email body: (empty)
My response to Brian: Like a heads up, the email subject line is for a brief summary of what your email is about. What you actually write in the email goes in the body of the email, Boomer.
Brian (this time in the body of the email): That’s all it was, and you’re worth nothing more than a brief summary, you f****** illiterate, brain dead Millennial. I fear for the future of the world.
Me: Hey, you’re learning! Good job, Brian.
Brian: Hey, I’m so glad you approve, you pedantic a**h***. You’ve got email protocol down pat – now if you could only learn to type! By the way, I don’t know where you get the idea that attacking my age is an effective insult, or that I at least care about your boring, indoctrinated opinion about anything other than your imbecile thoughts and predictions about the potential of the Giants , and only then because some moron saw fit to allow you to publish your views when it is abundantly clear that you should never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut.
Me: I have no idea how old you are lol. All I know is that you clearly have nothing better to do than email sportswriters.
Brian: And no, you don’t know my age, but if you refer to someone as a Boomer, you’re making a comment about the person’s age, and I’m amazed that you don’t seem to understand that. You also have no idea what better things I have to do than answer sportswriters. As it happened, I replied once, and only briefly in the subject line, and you’re the one who keeps writing back. You, on the other hand, really have nothing better to do than write sports articles, which would be ok if you weren’t an idiot. Let me teach you about accountability for your idiocy. While you pressed the case, I’ll continue to comment on Twitter about how your predictions fare as the season unfolds.
Me: “You’re the one who keeps writing back,” Brian said, and he furiously wrote back. Let’s see what kind of self-control you have. I encourage you not to post back to this.
Brian: You wrote an imbecile article for the general public and I wrote you a critical email. That was the first email. Then YOU wrote me an email in response. and even if you are illiterate, that is what is meant by “writing back.” Again, this shouldn’t be hard to understand, but you seem to have trouble with simple definitions.
Me: Lol
Brian: Can you teach me how to write dumbass Millennial acronyms so I can be cool like you?
Fan Affiliation: Cowboys
Subject line: Idiot
Body of email: How many Super Bowl wins does Dallas have compared to saying Philly Suxs.talk s*** is good for the soul a**h***
#JimmyNote: I don’t know what “talking s*** is good for the soul a**h***” is supposed to mean.
Fan Affiliation: Giants (Robert)
Subject line: Giants Dumpster Fire 10 Reasons
Email Body: Love reading your articles! Since you never got anything right about the Giants for years, I take comfort in knowing the 10 reasons they will succeed!! Keep up the Giant insight, your only fan!
#JimmyNote: Sick burn, Robert.
Fan Affiliation: Cowboys
Subject line: Hi Jimmy
Body of the email: Wow, just wow can’t believe someone with your intellect has the ability to troll cowboys. It must be like Christmas every day for you.. clown.
First of all, you Pigeon fans are downright DELUSIONAL. Yall wanted to BURY Hurts on the begging from last season and now with a “good” season, you’re just good and all the delusional dove fans claim he’s the “Best in the NFC” f****** joke. Bet you didn’t know this year’s stats are comparable to Dak’s “Rookie” season, mind you, and our fan base isn’t delusional to call Dak the best in the NFC. Plus you want to dub the cowboys a losing franchise. So the boys have been to the playoffs 66 times and won 36 times (second most in NFL history Buddy) while your Pigeons went 46 times won 22 times and lost 24 so but my math you all have a losing percentage in the playoffs. And that’s with your team being established in 1933, while the boys were established in the 1960s. And those boys have 5 titles to show for it while all you lame d**** have one. Love when writers want to push a narrative and twist the facts to suit them…just love it. No, be a good little boy and throw snowballs with batteries at Santa.
#JimmyNote: Super Bowl counters from Cowboys fans just don’t hit home like they used to when the Eagles didn’t have any and the Cowboys hadn’t gone a quarter century without appearing in the NFCCG.
Fan Affiliation: Giants
Subject line: (blank)
Email Body: Good article on my giants calling us a dumpster fire? Here’s an idea…worry about your own team and not mine! Show some respect! I feel like the Eagles win it all, yet you trash my team? Go away!
#JimmyNote: This poor guy had the Mets and Giants in his aol email address. $350+ million in salary and they’re going to miss the playoffs.
Fan Affiliation: Commanders
Subject line: (blank)
Email body: Ypur braindead HTTR
#JimmyNote: Lol
Fan Affiliation: Unknown
Subject line: You’re a dumpster fire
Email body: Coming from someone who makes stick figures
#JimmyNote: I mean they want to put my kid through college. 🤷♂️
Fan Affiliation: Giants (Kyle, via Twitter DM)
Kyle: Hey Kempski, was that article about the Giants Satire? I have never seen a more biased garbage report in my life.
Me: Hi Kyle. Thanks for reading along! I’m curious where you disagree. Any specific points that you feel are incorrect?
Kyle: (Super long, super boring answer that I will never read.)
Kyle (3 days later): Anything to answer? Or is your article just blatant lies/you didn’t know enough about the topic you were talking about?
Me: TL;DR
Kyle: Crack. Let me sun it up. You don’t know squat about anything going on outside of the godforsaken city of Philadelphia.
Subject line: Cowboys will be a dumpster fire
Email Body: Seriously question your knowledge of football as a writer. Answer me these questions:
Who is the best qb the eagles beat in the playoffs? No one better than Tom Brady.
#JimmyNote: “The Eagles never beat a quarterback better than the greatest player ever” is proof of quality. It’s also funny to me that he wrote “Cowboys will be a dumpster fire” in the subject line as if he’s making a declarative statement.
I should give a special mention to 49ers fans. I received about half a dozen emails from them about the children’s book we published about their losses in NFCCG, and they were all positive.
My official “Full Diaper Power Rankings” this year:
- Fighting
- Cowboys
- Commanders
- Eagles (they have an unfair advantage here because they understand this series)
- 49ers