Hello? Is this thing still on? Sorry, had to ask. Apparently everyone will Thread because Elon Musk is too mean on Twitter so I had to make sure. Honestly, just point me in the direction of Alica Schmidt workout videos and I’ll be good to go.
We’ll get to the Instagram star (hello, it’s Threads!) and the world’s hottest track athlete in a bit.
Glad we got over the hump this week and made it to Thursday because the day after the 4th of July is always a grind. Mix in the fact that the fourth fell on a Tuesday this year, and yesterday was pure chaos.
You’re hungover as hell and just enjoying what felt like a Saturday but really was a Tuesday. What a miserable feeling.
At least if a federal holiday falls on a Thursday, you really just have one more day to push through until you’re back for the weekend. And let’s be honest, Friday after a day off is really just an extension of said day off.
Does anyone really take Friday-after-a-holiday seriously? No way.
But you can’t do that on a Wednesday. The math just doesn’t add up. So yeah, yesterday was a grind from start to finish, but we made it and we’re all a little ahead of it.
Alica Schmidt has a huge weekend coming up, so we’ll get to her in a moment. I think we should also check in on Kelley Levis — Will Levis’ sister who melted the internet during the NFL Draft — because boots on the ground tell me she’s tanning in the DR.
We’ll also get relationship advice from Patrick Mahomes, welcome Toby Keith back to the stage, check into Subway, and maybe drink Tom Brady some water.
Sounds good? Cool.
Close your new Threads app for 5 minutes and settle down. The class is in progress.
Welcome back, Toby Keith!
I’m starting a little differently today. Sorry, but you can wait a little longer for Alica. You survive.
Toby Keith did his thing triumphantly back to the stage at the weekend after battling stomach cancer for about 18 months now and it was glorious. It was kind of sad too, because it sure looks like chemo did a number on my favorite country singer of all time, but whatever. He gets it back.
The important thing is that Toby’s cancer seems to be in a good place (or gone? I’m not sure) and he’s healthy enough again to drink solo cups of what I assume is Yuengling? No shot Toby Keith is a Bud Light drinker. Noooo chance.
By the way, Toby Keith is EASILY on the Mount Rushmore of country singers. For me, anyway. I despise concerts, but I think I would go to a Toby Keith concert.
Lived! MR of TK songs, which may honestly be the hardest thing I do all day:
- As good as I once was
- I love this bar
- I want to talk about me
- Courtesy of Red, White & Blue
Could easily argue for: Should’ve been a Cowboy, Made in America, Red Solo Cup, How Do You Like Me Now and Beer for My Horses.
Dark horses: Stay in Mexico, The Taliban Song, That’s Country Bro and Happy Birthday, America.
Whew. It was hard. That’s probably the least confident Mount Rushmore I’ve ever made for you guys.
Glad to have you back, Toby!
It’s a huge weekend for Alica Schmidt
The above song is a banger. Hugely underrated Toby Keith song on a hugely underrated Toby Keith album – The Bus Songs. You’re welcome.
From the links to the track, where Alica Schmidt – the world’s hottest track athlete – is training for nationals this weekend in Oregon.
You couldn’t pay me enough to go to Oregon or anywhere on the west coast. However, I will travel to Bend, Oregon because that is where the world’s last surviving Blockbuster is. I need to smell the inside of a Blockbuster one last time before I die. You can’t beat that.
What a tangent!
Either way, give them hell, Alica Schmidt. Go to Germany!
Kelley Levis works on summer tans in the Dominican Republic
From one blonde who stole the hearts of the internet to another!
It looks like Kelley Levis — Will’s sister, who went viral on Draft Night while Will pounced in the second round — is working on her summer tan down south.
Another week and more content from the NFL Draft’s biggest story. Kelley here went viral on draft night, prompting an immediate OutKick investigation.
We quickly identified her as Will’s University of Wisconsin sister, and she has since graduated and gone on to fully embrace her first summer as an NFL sibling.
And while Kelley was sunbathing down in the DR, Will’s girlfriend – Penn State’s Gia Duddy – was enjoying the beaches up in Nantucket.
Unreal. What lives.
Patrick Mahomes is working his way out of the friend zone
Fun fact: I got married on Nantucket. I can’t hide money, am I right?
From the Island to the Midwest, where Patrick Mahomes is dishing out free dating advice to any of you out there stuck in the dreaded Friend zone.
“We kind of met in seventh, eighth grade,” Mahomes said of his now-wife, Brittany, on his new Netflix documentary that premiered last night.
“She was the grade above me, I was kind of the best friend, in the friend zone forever.
“I used to follow her to class and try to flirt. When I was a sophomore in high school, she was a junior. I actually got her a rose … I was in love with her.”
Apparently, Pat, who fired his shot with a mute rose, worked.
“I thought it was the cutest thing in the world,” Brittany said. “And then everyone at our lunch table started singing, ‘Kiss him, kiss him,’ and made it really awkward because we were ‘just friends,’ so that’s kind of what started it, and then I thought it was sweet.
“When they sang, I thought it was kind of awkward, and it was funny. I was like, ‘Okay, this guy’s actually kind of cute. Maybe I like him.’ So then we just started talking and then started dating.’
The smartest kiss she ever planted. Mahomes’ is worth hundreds of millions now and everything is great – minus Jackson is the absolute worst.
PS: the one Friend zone is such a miserable place. Been there dozens of times. Hell, I used to get my mail delivered there. It really is a living hell.
Subway takes a chance and Tom Brady has a night
What an outfit choice by Brittany in Vegas this week. Pat, on the other hand, clearly sent it in.
Let’s fire this bad boy quickly before Alica Schmidt lands west and Subway gets canceled altogether.
Why do you ask? Well …
I mean, 10 out of 10. Look, I always tell you, fun is fun. I don’t care what kind of humor it is – and this one very clearly falls into the ‘dark’ category – if something makes me laugh, I laugh.
What a cool sign to make. My first guess would have been Florida, but I can definitely see this happening in Georgia as well. Hysterically funny.
I would take this kind of humor over Russell Wilson’s Dangerwich every damn day. Please stop it.
Shockingly, the stupid sandwich was taken off the menu months ago. Can’t imagine why.
Finally, here’s Tom Brady looking progressively more tipsy throughout the night at Fanatics CEO Michael Rubin’s annual Fourth of July ‘White Party’.
Genie Bouchard takes us into Friday
What a star studded cast. Does Tom Brady ever just hang out with normal people? I swear every time I see him he’s surrounded by about four other superstars. It must be exhausting.
Also, any guesses as to what thought Tom Brady is telling Micah Parsons in that last picture? I can smell the vodka on Tom’s breath from here. Love it.
PS: anyone catch who was behind Tom and Bob Kraft? That would be a Genie Bouchard — the Canadian tennis star who also sends out Instagram warmers on the reg.
And right on cue, she WAS there! I knew my eyes were not deceiving me. Wonder if her and Tom talked?
If she was smart, she would be like Brittany Mahomes and shoot her shot. Can pay off huge in the end.
I’ll see you tomorrow.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 16 (roughly, we’re not robots).
Can Alica Schmidt get back to the top this weekend? Email me at [email protected].