Manchester United, Manchester United and more Manchester United. No one else gets a look this summer. Mediawatch is tired.
Another day, another Mason Greenwood update. We don’t like it more than you, but we are where we are.
‘Mason Greenwood in latest bid to get career back on track as he envisions training with Man United team-mate’ announces The sun.
So yes. But not at Manchester United, and that feels important. He trained with Anthony Elanga (absent from United’s current pre-season squad in Oslo to play Leeds because he was on international duty with Sweden this summer), who for several reasons is also unlikely to still be Greenwoods’ Manchester United team-mate’ at the start. of the season.
Elanga is almost certain to leave Old Trafford, and is currently heavily linked with a move to Everton. We know because we read it in The Sun, but funnily enough not in the story that seeks to highlight the ‘Manchester United team-mate’ angle.
Udinese’s James Abankwah was also at this training to highlight the unofficial nature of it. It tells us nothing about Greenwood’s prospects for a Man United comeback, only that he is trying to get himself in shape to give himself the chance of a football comeback. Which we already knew. And you know we knew it. Please: no more Mason Greenwood updates until there actually is an update.
In the meantime Express cover all their Greenwood bases with a few stories under the following headings.
Man Utd may have big plans for Mason Greenwood as Ten Hag ‘decides next transfer target’
Mason Greenwood ‘will not play in Premier League again’ with Man Utd to want £80m
The first takes two and two and gives 32864 with the pure guess that midfielder Sofyan Amrabat emerging as a prominent Man United transfer target means they no longer want to sign a striker because Greenwood is coming back. The second is the opinion of the legendary deep thinker Gabriel Agbonlahor. None of them are based on anything approaching solid information.
We are so sick of it now.
‘Man Utd confirm four new shirt numbers ahead of pre-season opener with Leeds’ is a pretty bit of technically correct headline from Mirror.
These four new shirt numbers will be worn by Kobbie Mainoo, Matej Kovar, Alvaro Fernandez and Dan Gore. Mainoo’s shift from 73 to 37 has a certain niceness to it, but we’re not sure any of that information would really justify a 300-word story if it couldn’t be placed under a headline that suggests something far juicier.
We make a lot of noise about this, but it’s a massive bugbear of Mediawatch and we’re not about to let it go. If something is in quotes, it means someone said it. You can’t just put them there for your own purposes.
So while it might not be the most disgusting thing The sun is up to right now, we can’t have this header.
Man Utd to have Wonderkid, 16, POACHED in ‘revenge’ transfer by rivals Man City despite offering him record-breaking deal
Especially when the intro doubles.
MANCHESTER UNITED are set to lose academy star Harrison Parker in a “revenge” transfer to Manchester City, according to reports.
One of those reports comes from MEN’s Samuel Luckhurst, who also places the word ‘revenge’ in cowardly scare quotes. At no point does it appear that anyone actually said the word revenge on or off the record.
Because the idea of two of the biggest football clubs on earth treating 16-year-old footballers as playthings to be used in petty acts of revenge is quite inappropriate, isn’t it? That’s not really what’s happening, is it?
The ‘revenge’ angle comes from the fact that Darren Fletcher’s twin sons, also 16, are about to leave City’s academy for United’s and that City’s selection of Parker comes in response.
Fair enough, but response and revenge are not the same. Looking to replace players lost from the academy just seems sensible.
Indeed, Luckhurst even notes the following:
United expect such deals between the country’s prominent academies to become more common due to the restrictions imposed by Brexit on signing under-18s from abroad.
It’s not revenge, it’s just reality. Sorry, ‘reality’.
‘Wayne Rooney’s new look worries fans as he welcomes Lionel Messi to MLS’ is a headline from Daily Star.
Rooney’s worrying ‘new look’ is that of a 37-year-old man, he’s grown his beard out a bit, and shock horror, it’s got some gray in it. Fears are rising for Mediawatch, is all we can say in response to that.
Today’s modern football journalism, part I
The Wimbledon star’s WAG admitted she wanted ‘too much rumpy pumpy’ with the Tottenham ace
That Daily Star in 2023 there, ladies and gentlemen. Now you’re on a football site, so it would be unfair to expect top-notch tennis knowledge, but we’re sure we could give you 20 guesses on ‘Wimbledon star’ and 100 guesses on ‘Tottenham ace’ before you came along the correct answers. Unless you happen to be particularly au fait with the life and times of Italian model and TV host Melissa Satta.
Satta’s current partner is Matteo Berrettini, knocked out in round three of Wimbledon, and she was previously married to… Kevin-Prince Boateng. She once said of Boateng: “The reason Kevin gets hurt so often is because we have sex seven to 10 times a week.”
And she said so in 2012. Eleven years later, Boateng is a ‘Tottenham ace’ and all this is apparently news.
Today’s modern football journalism, part II
Double whammy for Star thanks to this gem.
Eder Militao’s girlfriend risked a wardrobe malfunction with her ample cleavage on full display – and has since come under fire for heading to a toddler’s birthday party
The first three words of the story are ‘A chesty WAG’ and we honestly can’t think of a more Daily Star way to start a story about anything, anywhere, ever.